1st Homiletics Sermon

For anyone who actually sees this; I posted this for my homiletic’s professor to give me feedback on my first sermon, not as an example of fabulous preaching – which it clearly is not but im working on it  The way it works at Fuller is a TA usually grades us and gives us feedback, but i wanted my prof to give specific thoughts on it, so that i can take steps to improve my ability to communicate effectively

a recent psalm of mine

My steps were ordered, I knew where I was going
Thoughtless of your will, I pressed into the world
From promise to promise, a world was built in vain
Peace, security, a land that soon would be mine

Suddenly the ground shifted beneath me,
What was up, surely came down
Despair filled my mind,
I noticed the chains that were on my heart

Where was the confidence of my days of old?
Where is the peace that once abided in my heart?

In this prison I cried out to Yahweh,
these words were not in vain
You delivered me from myself
You separated my waves of deception
Yahweh was a crag to me,
a plateau of refuge from my lies
In fact you were there all the time,
Breaking down the idols of my heart

Bless the Lord that he loves us more than we love ourselves
Yahweh, you desire truth in our innermost parts
Thoughtful of your will, I await redemption
Peace, security, a land that soon would be mine

Post Office

I like going to centers of communities., places were folks from all walks of like are mashed together.  My individualism has paved a way that rarely gets altered so I find grocery stores, the DMV and places like that I find to be a bit of an adventure.  With that being said I went to the post office early this week. As a good husband with free time, I was running an errand for the wife.  I was just expecting to make a quick trip because I had to be at work in the next fifteen minutes.  What a found there was just a saddening experience.  My little adventure was filled with a  high level of contempt / anger / disfunction.  The mailmale guy that was assisting me obviously hated his job – he made one negative comment after another and wouldnt be bothered by any request. A customer in front of me asked him to put 2 different kinds of stamps on the packaging he was sending.  Im not a stamp collector but i dont know how you can collect the stamps that you are sending off – I agree with the mailmale guy that this was a dumb request but the mailmale guy responded, “its gonna would take about 15 minutes to do this! and everyone’s gonna to wait -you gotta be kidding me!”

well this was a little awkward

the situation got even harrier when an elderlymother&elderlyson combo where being helped at the next window.  The elderly son was in his 50s i would assume.  The life that he had seemed to have aged him beyond his years.  The guy was struggling to add up the amount for his money order and his elderly mom kept getting the numbers wrong.  Mailfemale helping them corrected him with their addition errors.  This incited him to explode at her and combust internally.  “700 PLUS 300 is 1150 MOM!!! ITS 1150!” he screamed walking out he says “YOU are so stupid – you cant get anything right.  I hate this, hate this, hate this, You are always fuckin like this, always, im going to kill myself, fuckin kill myself. I hate you.  I should just kill myself!”

all this happens as i am finishing up paying, and i essentially follow him out.  Its obvious that he has some sort of psychological disorder, but I am stuck with the question.  He is still muttering the same accusations to himself and seems a but manic.  I am stuck with the question of what is my responsibility in this situation?  I am a high believer in a Matthew 25 view of responding to needs.  I often dont really know what Jesus wants out of my life, but I am confident that I at least should try to bring his values into the situations that are laid out before me – to me there is no question about that point of His message.  I also hold a theology that believes that power encounters are possible if the Spirit prompts.  In this situation i didnt feel the unction to intervene and didnt believe that saying anything would be of real value to the elderlyson.  So I just walked out – did nothing.  I dont necessarily feel guilty about my response but I am simply just saddened by the whole affair.

This little event revealed a bit of the underlying pain that is in this city.  Everyday I see folks wander the streets muttering to themselves as i drive to school to learn hebrew or some other theological tidbit.  I feel a bit inocculated by my lifestyle and schedule – I just want to know what it is my response suppose to be in these type of situations – how will i be judged in the end by this?  I am not talking about worrying about some unneeded guilt but rather what are the ways that i fail to express the Kingdom in my physical community.

I know what the “answers” are but I would rather not rush to ease my conscience and would rather be stuck with the reality that these problems are not actually answered and I want the weight of the question to alter my experience towards the broken in the world.

Whatever I have learned about this subject thus far is obviously not enough.

insert title

- obligations not met – hopes disappointed – trust being broken -trust may the most important thing that comes into a relationship.  When its broken its hard to repair.  Though forgiveness may come, there never seems to be an ability to completely forgive.  A stain remains.  I dont know if the stain is suppose to represent some sort of gain wisdom, as to assist you from getting hurt once again in the future or if the stain represents the weakness of our humanity.  i dont think any one of us desires to linger onto these feelings but they seem impossible to completely scrub away.

this post isnt secretly intended towards any one event, or person or anything like that.  Im just feeling a little down today and have to produce a paper – so instead of staring aimlessly at my screen or checking my fantasybaseball team for the upteenth time i thought i could defeat this writers block by just typing what was on my heart.  im a decently positive person – meaning i look for the best in situations yet i have a keen eye to track and potential pitfalls, but today i just feel a little crummy and am hoping for brighter days.

what i want:

a fresh revelation of God so i would be encourage about my future
vision for 5 years from now
courage to do what is right in all situations
new scenery

all that being said – i am confident that we’ll get there – i just want the future to be now

A Recent Paper of mine

I just got done taking a class with Dr. John Goldingay over the OT Writings (Psalms, Job, Ecclesiastes, etc. – this middle chunk of the OT plus Daniel) – here is my final paper.

Development of Masculinity through the Old Testament Writings

God nurtures his creation; though fallen, it is far from forsaken.  He relentlessly pursues humanity to restore them into proper relationship with him.  Additionally, God works to restore humanity to fulfill their proper roles in the creative order. Through his Spirit, the church and the scriptures, God has provided the means to develop the male heart aptly, in order that it might reflect true masculinity.  The Writings offer a unique insight on how to develop the principles of wisdom, courage and honesty within a man’s soul.

The subject of developing masculinity in light of God’s truth is very important to me.  Knowing that there were holes in my development, I looked to God to lay the foundation for the building of both my character and my masculinity.  Through prayer, the scriptures, various mentors and the Holy Spirit, God has filled and is filling the holes in my heart that the father’s in my life left void.  In studying the Writings this quarter, God has further articulated his heart for developing men out of boys. The Writings offer me a glimpse into the hearts of men who struggled through the attainment of wisdom, courage and honesty. They teach me what my father-figures did not, acting as role models to instruct me on how to live as a man who fears the Lord.

Wisdom
The first requirement for developing masculinity is found is the attainment of wisdom.  Wisdom is to be the bedrock of the male soul.  Although wisdom is not easily defined nor easily obtained, it is foundational to a man’s character. Through wisdom, men are able to navigate through this life and make proper decisions.  Daniel Estes describes wisdom as “using an inductive approach to observe the natural world and human world.  As it detects general patterns of cause and effect it derives from them lessons that can be applied to other situations.”  The Writings have much to offer in describing how and why we should strive toward the attainment of this wisdom.

Wisdom should be the starting point in the development of masculinity because, as Proverbs tells us, it is intrinsic to how God has ordered his creation.  Proverbs 3:19-20 tells us, “The Lord by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew.”  God is the great architect who designed both the intricacies of the soul and the vastness of the universe.  It is undeniable that wisdom speaks to the world that has been shaped and is now being governed by the all-wise Creator.  He has imbedded wisdom in the world and humans are challenged to seek diligently for it.   This is why Yahweh is adamant in connecting his creative identity with man’s decision-making process in Proverbs 3:21-23: “My child, do not let these escape from your sight: keep sound wisdom and prudence, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely and your foot will not stumble.” The pursuit of wisdom is to be cherished according to Proverbs, and likewise it is to be pursued throughout a man’s journey.

The world offers a kaleidoscope of wise saying sayings; so how is a man to rightly develop his understanding wisdom, and likewise, folly?  The Writings teach us that ‘the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight’ (Prov. 9:10) True wisdom is found in reverence towards Yahweh, otherwise known as the ‘Fear of the Lord.’  Due to the negative connotations of fear in our modern-day culture, reverence is the better adjective to describe this attitude which a man should have towards Yahweh. Reverence consists of having a plain understanding that God is in fact, God.  Yahweh is above all things, and holds all things together; His strength, power, wisdom and understanding have no equal, therefore man should readily find his position underneath the Almighty.  Masculinity is perverted when it fails to keep this relationship in proper alignment.  When man values his own needs above the needs of his family, community or his God, selfishness and pride flourish.  Job fell into this trap by failing to uphold reverence for Yahweh and convincing himself of his own righteousness.  Yahweh extended grace to Job by demonstrating the vastness of his power and the breadth of his sovereignty.

Selfishness and pride are two of the most devastating sins on our families and world today.  Instead of serving our wives and children, men are culpable to looking to their own needs first.  Selfishness and pride results in divorce, sexual sin, and neglect of a man’s responsibilities, and these attributes are then reciprocated onto the lives of their children.  Reverence to Yahweh keeps the male heart restrained, causing him to examine his needs, plans, and decisions in light of Yahweh’s values.  When Yahweh is kept at the center of a man’s mind, decisions are made in light of Yahweh’s judgment.  It should be noted that reverence to Yahweh is the just beginning of wisdom – to understand any point of wisdom is to understand it in light of God’s abiding presence over creation.

Understanding the Proverbs in light of God’s presence allows moral actions to be properly understood.  On their own, they would feel like simple lists of what to do and not do.  The male heart finds integrity appealing when it not only results in personal blessing but when we understand it in a broader context of pleasing Yahweh and establishing his Kingdom at the same time.  The Writings also recommend to us that wisdom is important in providing an active guard against folly.   Folly can be described as pursuing the riches of the world over the and above the tenants of Yahweh.  In Ecclesiastes, the author describes such pursuits as ‘vanity of vanities … what do people gain from all their toil?’ (Eccl. 1:2-3)  Why do we pursue wealth, fame and fortune when in the end it carries no real value?   Wisdom tells us that masculinity is developed when a man sets his heart and mind on tasks that carry the blessing of heaven: justice, relationships of integrity, moral purity and family.

Courage
Courage is another attribute which the Writings exhort the male heart to strive toward.  Though courage is an essential component of masculinity, without wisdom at its foundation, courage is immature and naïve.  Wars are waged when courage is not properly tempered by wisdom.  However, when courage is nurtured by wisdom, the bonds of injustice are broken in society and within families.  The Writings offer many dynamic accounts of courage that encourage men to function in the same way.

Growing in wisdom also means that there are many lessons to be learned from women; in fact, one of the essential aspects of masculinity is the knowledge that men must and should learn from women.  One such display of this is seen in the Book of Esther.  Esther displays courage in the form of sacrifice by convincing King Ahasuerus not to slaughter the Jews.  Her beauty initially won her favor in the King’s eyes, but her willingness to risk her life on behalf of her people is an example of courage and personal sacrifice.  True masculinity looks to secure a future for those it can help; its goal is self-sacrifice for the well being of others.  Esther provides a perfect example of courage in that she was willing to risk her stature through her refusal to remain silent when the plight of her people was imminent.  She could have chosen to remain silent and dwell in the personal security of her place in the King’s court, but instead she chose to forsake her security so that she could obtain liberty for her people.   When Esther tells the King her true identity and pleads for her people, she exhorts the King to exhibit the courage required of him. Esther’s courage was necessary to arouse the King’s sense of justice and desire for righteousness; it was this woman who helped develop the King’s masculinity.  This courage involved sacrifice on the part of Esther, but her story remains to exhort men to exhibit a similar amount of sacrifice and courage.

Courage is also displayed in the Writings throughout the Book of Daniel.  Daniel teaches us that courage not only equates to sacrifice, but it is also attributed to faithfulness.  Daniel represents a picture for Israel and for us today as someone who practiced the principle of walking in reverence to Yahweh. Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, refusing to defile themselves, chose to forgo the King’s rations.  They instead chose to eat only vegetables and water, resulting in a healthier and stronger appearance than the rest who were eating the King’s rations.  This story illustrates that for the one who exhibits courage and chooses righteousness by way of sacrifice, Yahweh honors commitment and make provisions.  Courage is displayed again in Chapter 3, when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refuse to worship the cultures’ gods.  They show valor in choosing to embrace the prospect of martyrdom rather than submit to cultural norms.  Their courage and the resulting intervention by Yahweh is an example that we are not alone in our struggle for justice and that God may radically intervene to display his glory to the world.  Finally, in the sixth chapter of Daniel, Daniel displays courage by remaining faithful to God regardless of the political pressures of his culture.  Daniel would rather place his life in Yahweh’s hands and be thrown into the lions’ pit than to dishonor Yahweh.  Daniel behaved as though his life was safer in the lion’s pit, within the realm of God’s sovereignty, than it would be under the protection and false security of the worldly kingdom.  Daniel is an example to the Jews to continue to pursue righteousness regardless of the end result.  These stories collectively challenge the Jews to stay committed to Torah and their God, regardless of the culture or kingdom to which they are subjected.

In Daniel and Esther, God provides Israel with living examples of faith so that the children of Israel could imitate these actions in any situation.  If we are to partner with God in bringing his future Kingdom into reality, it will come through courageous actions such as these.  Men will need to use this strength to stand against injustices and fight on behalf of God’s wisdom.  Esther and Daniel are used to be witnesses for men to refuse to shy away from courageous action; these stories exhort men to keep their eyes wide open to the pain and injustice in the world and take action to fight against them.

Honesty
In addition to wisdom and courage, we are taught in the Psalms that a wise and courageous man is one who values and embodies a life of honesty. It takes both wisdom and courage for a man to bare his emotions before God, wisdom to know his own heart well enough to express himself accurately and courage to be unafraid of apparent weakness. In the Psalms, we see men who are unafraid to admit that they broken and needy, that they are terrified of their enemy, or that they are actually angry with God. We read of righteous men admitting to their God emotions such as “I am languishing… my bones are troubled.” (Psalm 6:2) It is rare to hear the type of honesty in our churches, particularly from those in leadership. And yet, in the psalms we find men, writing in the name of David, laying before God their full emotions. Many wives would love to get this amount of detail from their husband about how they are really feeling. Many congregations would love to know that their pastor hurts to a similar extent as they do. We do not, however, exhort men toward this type of honesty; instead, we often cause them to shy away from it. Men enter the church building wearing a mask, attempting to exemplify wisdom and courage, yet feeling that this requires them to hide their true selves.  The Psalms tell us that wisdom and courage require a man to not only know their emotions but share those emotions with God and others.  They teach us that the man who is able to fully express his anguish before God is one who is both wise and brave, the one who is most fully exemplifying the fear of the Lord.

One of the most startling aspects of the Psalms is the fact that they question God. “Why, O Lord, do you stand afar off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1). How do we reconcile wisdom’s fear of the Lord with these seemingly irreverent questions? The Psalmist’s reverence for God lies in his belief that God is large enough to handle these questions. There is no need to hide from this God, for he is ever-present in our time of need and looks kindly upon the one with a broken and contrite spirit.  Similarly, Lamentations offer men an avenue to express the depths of their uncertainty and pain when their present reality seems completely unbalanced from the way in which they envision Yahweh to act.  Jerusalem, once a symbol of pride and joy, which was built by Yahweh’s hand is now conquered and the temple is destroyed.  What was strong was now brought low. Lamentations represent an honest expression of pain when the very fabric of life is at question.  Perplexity leads to despair, and Lamentations teaches us how to deal with this despair honestly through a continual pursuit of Yahweh despite our current circumstances (Lam 1:1-7) and an unwavering faith that his presence will abide once more in the future.  Therefore the writer can express, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him” (Lam 3:22-24).

Conclusion
God does not desire the male heart to develop as a wild vine but rather as ‘oaks of righteousness’ (Is 61:3).  With deep roots in reverence to Yahweh, men can then be confident to stand firm against oppression in light of Yahweh’s abiding spirit.  Though there is not a specific prescription for developing masculinity, it requires both nurture and pruning at appropriate times to ensure that it flourishes.  Wisdom, courage and honesty are essential components to ensuring that masculinity is developed well and that a man will be a benefit to their families and their community.  These three components are essential in imparting a comprehensive strength which serves as a provision to navigate through times of uncertainty and pain.   Particularly in an often-fatherless generation, the Writings serve as father-figures to men both young and old, instructing us in how to live as men who fear the Lord.

lament

also in my writings class we have looked at the process of Lament in the Psalms – we were encouraged to write one.  It didnt have to be about our particular situation but it could be used to lament on behalf of someone else.  While we are in DC, one night we were walking the streets.  We had just left a cigar bar and were making our way to the White House to take a peak at it at night.  It was freezing outside and the streets are lined with these huge government buildings.

Across the street there was a homeless man trying to get warm by sleeping on a heat exhaust vent.  Bev told me that one of the saddest parts of this is that they can sometimes while they are sleeping there clothes can catch on fire.  The paradox was striking to me, one side of the road was a romanesque building that I imagine is always a balmy 72 degrees – on the other side, not but 20 feet away a homeless man is trying desperately to make it throught the night.  This lament is not biographical, but it is true for most of our nations homeless.

The cupboard is bare

there is no comfort to be found on this asphalt

I feel your distance as night grows colder

Only street lights provide me with comfort

I have toiled from shelter to shelter

Its never home and it never ends

Did I cause this cancer

Did I cause my body to break?

Where is the justice in this medical system

Why does the system break my Life

You God could have healed me

You could have made my body work right

I long for warmth, I long for peace

The night makes my body ache

I want to lay my head down in your fields

I want to sleep without pain

Somehow the sun rises

I feel it take the edge off my pain

You will walk with me to the end

Your peace will be my end

psalm

here is a psalm i wrote the other day for my OT Writings course w/ Goldingay

Let the earth rejoice

Let creation be at rest

Mighty Anointed King

How your people wait for your return

The winds circle the earth searching for a destination

But our hearts are yours and our home is with you

From doubt and despair

The Kings mercies are everlasting to everlasting

Let the trumpet blow of your majesty

Let the orchestra pronounce your wisdom

Darkness abounded and direction was scarce

But You did not fail when I waited

Your unyielding light shined truth when the enemy was upon me

Trust in the Lord

His promises never fail

Let the people sing of your greatness

Let the church be a living witness of your intent

just here and decisions ahead

im not sure where it came from but im increasingly feeling the pressure to figure out our next move, what sort of work will i be doing and in what capacity/authority will i be doing it? so many questions so little time. i wish life was more direct and more focused. but i keep plodding along, seeking to do the best that i can where ever i am.  this attitude has always served me well in the past, and i hope that it will remain a fruitful one.  i guess i feel the pressure because i hope and anticipate a great/deep/true/meaningful thing to be waiting for me on the otherside of our time here at Fuller.  essentially that is why i am in california, to find the next thing.  I hope i see it when it comes and pursue it with the same sort of vigor as i have done in the past.  only time will tell

The Martyrdom of Polycarp

i read this the other day and I thought it was very meaningful so i wanted to share… its long, but well worth it when you have the time

The Martyrdom of Saint Polycarp, Bishop of Smyrna,
as Told in the Letter of the Church of Smyrna to the Church of Philomelium

THE TEXT

The church of God that sojourns at Smyrna to the church of God that sojourns at Philomelium, and to all those of the holy and Catholic Church who sojourn in every place: may mercy, peace, and love be multiplied from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 We write you, brethren, the things concerning those who suffered martyrdom, especially the blessed Polycarp, who put an end to the persecution by sealing it, so to speak, through his own witness. For almost everything that led up to it happened in order that the Lord might show once again a martyrdom conformable to the gospel.2For he waited to be betrayed, just as the Lord did, to the end that we also might be imitators of him, “not looking only to that which concerns ourselves, but also to that which concerns our neighbors.” For it is a mark of true and steadfast love for one not only to desire to be saved oneself, but all the brethren also.

2 Blessed and noble, indeed, are all the martyrdoms that have taken place according to God’s will; for we ought to be very reverent in ascribing to God power over all things.  2For who would not admire their nobility and patient endurance and love of their Master? Some of them, so torn by scourging that the anatomy of their flesh was visible as far as the inner veins and arteries, endured with such patience that even the bystanders took pity and wept; others achieved such heroism that not one of them uttered a cry or a groan, thus showing all of us that at the very hour of their tortures the most noble martyrs of Christ were no longer in the flesh, but rather that the Lord stood by them and conversed with them.  3And giving themselves over to the grace of Christ they despised the tortures of this world, purchasing for themselves in the space of one hour the life eternal. To them the fire of their inhuman tortures was cold; for they set before their eyes escape from the fire that is everlasting and never quenched,Matt. 3:12; Mark 9:43; Ignatius, Eph. 16:2. while with the eyes of their heart they gazed upon the good things reserved for those that endure patiently, “which things neither ear has heard nor eye has seen, nor has there entered into the heart of man.”  But they were shown to them by the Lord, for they were no longer men, but were already angels.  4Similarly, those condemned to the wild beasts endured fearful punishments, being made to lie on sharp shells and punished with other forms of various torments, in order that [the devil]The subject is supplied from ch. 3:1. might bring them, if possible, by means of the prolonged punishment, to a denial of their faith.

3 Many, indeed, were the machinations of the devil against them. But, thanks be to God, he did not prevail against them all. For the most noble Germanicus encouraged their timidity through his own patient endurance—who also fought with the beasts in a distinguished way. For when the proconsul, wishing to persuade him, bade him have pity on his youth, he forcibly dragged the wild beast toward himself, Cf. Ignatius, Rom. 5:2. wishing to obtain more quickly a release from their wicked and lawless life.  2From this circumstance, all the crowd, marveling at the heroism of the God-loving and God-fearing race of the Christians, shouted: “Away with the atheists!

4 But a Phrygian, (The name “Phrygian” was often given to an adherent of the Montanist sect. See the Introduction.) named Quintus, lately arrived from Phrygia, took fright when he saw the wild beasts. In fact, he was the one who had forced himself and some others to come forward voluntarily. The proconsul by much entreaty persuaded him to take the oath and to offer the sacrifice. For this reason, therefore, brethren, we do not praise those who come forward of their own accord, since the gospel does not teach us so to do.

5 The most admirable Polycarp, when he first heard of it, was not perturbed, but desired to remain in the city. But the majority induced him to withdraw, so he retired to a farm not far from the city and there stayed with a few friends, doing nothing else night and day but pray for all men and for the churches throughout the world, as was his constant habit. 2And while he was praying, it so happened, three days before his arrest, that he had a vision and saw his pillow blazing with fire, and turning to those who were with him he said, “I must be burned alive.”

6 And while those who were searching for him continued their quest, he moved to another farm, and forthwith those searching for him arrived. And when they did not find him, they seized two young slaves, one of whom confessed under torture.  2For it was really impossible to conceal him, since the very ones who betrayed him were of his own household. And the chief of the police, who chanced to have the same name as Herod, was zealous to bring him into the arena in order that he might fulfill his own appointed lot of being made a partaker with Christ; while those who betrayed him should suffer the punishment of Judas himself.

7 Taking, therefore, the young slave on Friday about suppertime, the police, mounted and with their customary arms, set out as though “hasting after a robber.”  And late in the evening they came up with him and found him in bed in the upper room of a small cottage. Even so he could have escaped to another farm, but he did not wish to do so, saying, “God’s will be done.”  2Thus, when he heard of their arrival, he went downstairs and talked with them, while those who looked on marveled at his age and constancy, and at how there should be such zeal over the arrest of so old a man. Straightway he ordered food and drink, as much as they wished, to be set before them at that hour, and he asked them to give him an hour so that he might pray undisturbed.  3And when they consented, he stood and prayed—being so filled with the grace of God that for two hours he could not hold his peace, to the amazement of those who heard. And many repented that they had come to get such a devout old man.

8 When at last he had finished his prayer, in which he remembered all who had met with him at any time, both small and great, both those with and those without renown, and the whole Catholic Church throughout the world, the hour of departure having come, they mounted him on an ass and brought him into the city.  2 It was a great Sabbath.  And there the chief of the police, Herod, and his father, Nicetas, met him and transferred him to their carriage, and tried to persuade him, as they sat beside him, saying, “What harm is there to say `Lord Caesar,’ and to offer incense and all that sort of thing, and to save yourself?”

At first he did not answer them.  But when they persisted, he said, “I am not going to do what you advise me.”

3Then when they failed to persuade him, they uttered dire threats and made him get out with such speed that in dismounting from the carriage he bruised his shin. But without turning around, as though nothing had happened, he proceeded swiftly, and was led into the arena, there being such a tumult in the arena that no one could be heard.  9 But as Polycarp was entering the arena, a voice from heaven came to him, saying, “Be strong, Polycarp, and play the man.” No one saw the one speaking, but those of our people who were present heard the voice.

And when finally he was brought up, there was a great tumult on hearing that Polycarp had been arrested.  2Therefore, when he was brought before him, the proconsul asked him if he were Polycarp. And when he confessed that he was, he tried to persuade him to deny [the faith], saying, “Have respect to your age”—and other things that customarily follow this, such as, “Swear by the fortune of Caesar; change your mind; say, ‘Away with the atheists!’”

But Polycarp looked with earnest face at the whole crowd of lawless heathen in the arena, and motioned to them with his hand. Then, groaning and looking up to heaven, he said, “Away with the atheists!”

3But the proconsul was insistent and said: “Take the oath, and I shall release you. Curse Christ.”

Polycarp said: “Eighty-six years I have served him, and he never did me any wrong. How can I blaspheme my King who saved me?”

10 And upon his persisting still and saying, “Swear by the fortune of Caesar,” he answered, “If you vainly suppose that I shall swear by the fortune of Caesar, as you say, and pretend that you do not know who I am, listen plainly: I am a Christian. But if you desire to learn the teaching of Christianity, appoint a day and give me a hearing.”

2The proconsul said, “Try to persuade the people.”

But Polycarp said, “You, I should deem worthy of an account; for we have been taught to render honor, as is befitting, to rulers and authorities appointed by God so far as it does us no harm; but as for these, I do not consider them worthy that I should make defense to them.”

11 But the proconsul said: “I have wild beasts. I shall throw you to them, if you do not change your mind.”

But he said: “Call them. For repentance from the better to the worse is not permitted us; but it is noble to change from what is evil to what is righteous.”

2And again [he said] to him, “I shall have you consumed with fire, if you despise the wild beasts, unless you change your mind.”

But Polycarp said: “The fire you threaten burns but an hour and is quenched after a little; for you do not know the fire of the coming judgment and everlasting punishment that is laid up for the impious. But why do you delay? Come, do what you will.”

12 And when he had said these things and many more besides he was inspired with courage and joy, and his face was full of grace, so that not only did it not fall with dismay at the things said to him, but on the contrary, the proconsul was astonished, and sent his own herald into the midst of the arena to proclaim three times: “Polycarp has confessed himself to be a Christian.”

2When this was said by the herald, the entire crowd of heathen and Jews who lived in Smyrna (Cf. Rev. 2:9). shouted with uncontrollable anger and a great cry: “This one is the teacher of Asia, the father of the Christians, the destroyer of our gods, who teaches many not to sacrifice nor to worship.”(Cf. Acts 16:20, 21).

Such things they shouted and asked the Asiarch Philip. The Asiarchs were officials who maintained the cult of Rome and the emperor in the province of Asia. (Cf. Acts 19:31) that he let loose a lion on Polycarp. But he said it was not possible for him to do so, since he had brought the wild-beast sports to a close.  3Then they decided to shout with one accord that he burn Polycarp alive. For it was necessary that the vision which had appeared to him about his pillow should be fulfilled, when he saw it burning while he was praying, and 154turning around had said prophetically to the faithful who were with him, “I must be burned alive.”

13 Then these things happened with such dispatch, quicker than can be told—the crowds in so great a hurry to gather wood and faggots from the workshops and the baths, the Jews being especially zealous, as usual, to assist with this.  2When the fire was ready, and he had divested himself of all his clothes and unfastened his belt, he tried to take off his shoes, though he was not heretofore in the habit of doing this because [each of] the faithful always vied with one another as to which of them would be first to touch his body. For he had always been honored, even before his martyrdom, for his holy life.  3Straightway then, they set about him the material prepared for the pyre. And when they were about to nail him also, he said: “Leave me as I am. For he who grants me to endure the fire will enable me also to remain on the pyre unmoved, without the security you desire from the nails.”

14 So they did not nail him, but tied him. And with his hands put behind him and tied, like a noble ram out of a great flock ready for sacrifice, a burnt offering ready and acceptable to God, he looked up to heaven and said:

“Lord God Almighty, Father of thy beloved and blessed Servant Jesus Christ, through whom we have received full knowledge of thee, ‘the God of angels and powers and all creation and of the whole race of the righteous who live in thy presence:  2 I bless thee, because thou hast deemed me worthy of this day and hour, to take my part in the number of the martyrs, in the cup of thy Christ, for ‘resurrection to eternal life’ of soul and body in the immortality of the Holy Spirit; among whom may I be received in thy presence this day as a rich and acceptable sacrifice, just as thou hast prepared and revealed beforehand and fulfilled, thou that art the true God without any falsehood.  3For this and for everything I praise thee, I bless thee, I glorify thee, through the eternal and heavenly High Priest, Jesus Christ, thy beloved Servant, through whom be glory to thee with him and Holy Spirit both now and unto the ages to come. Amen.”

15 And when he had concluded the Amen and finished his prayer, the men attending to the fire lighted it. And when the 155flame flashed forth, we saw a miracle, we to whom it was given to see. And we are preserved in order to relate to the rest what happened.  2For the fire made the shape of a vaulted chamber, like a ship’s sail filled by the wind, and made a wall around the body of the martyr. And he was in the midst, not as burning flesh, but as bread baking or as gold and silver refined in a furnace. And we perceived such a sweet aroma as the breath of incense or some other precious spice.

16 At length, when the lawless men saw that his body could not be consumed by the fire, they commanded an executioner to go to him and stab him with a dagger. And when he did this [a dove and] a great quantity of blood came forth, so that the fire was quenched and the whole crowd marveled that there should be such a difference between the unbelievers and the elect.  2And certainly the most admirable Polycarp was one of these [elect], in whose times among us he showed himself an apostolic and prophetic teacher and bishop of the Catholic Church in Smyrna. Indeed, every utterance that came from his mouth was accomplished and will be accomplished.

17 But the jealous and malicious evil one, the adversary of the race of the righteous, seeing the greatness of his martyrdom and his blameless life from the beginning, and how he was crowned with the wreath of immortality and had borne away an incontestable reward, so contrived it that his corpse should not be taken away by us, although many desired to do this and to have fellowship with his holy flesh.  2He instigated Nicetas, the father of Herod and brother of Alce, to plead with the magistrate not to give up his body, “else,” said he, “they will abandon the Crucified and begin worshiping this one.” This was done at the instigation and insistence of the Jews, who also watched when we were going to take him from the fire, being ignorant that we can never forsake Christ, who suffered for the salvation of the whole world of those who are saved, the faultless for the sinners, nor can we ever worship any other.  3For we worship this One as Son of God, but we love the martyrs as disciples and imitators of the Lord, deservedly so, because of their unsurpassable devotion to their own King and Teacher. May it be also our lot to be their companions and fellow disciples!

18 The captain of the Jews, when he saw their contentiousness, set it [i.e., his body] in the midst and burned it, as was their custom.  2So we later took up his bones, more precious than costly stones and more valuable than gold, and laid them away in a suitable place.  3There the Lord will permit us, so far as possible, to gather together in joy and gladness to celebrate the day of his martyrdom as a birthday, in memory of those athletes who have gone before, and to train and make ready those who are to come hereafter.

19 Such are the things concerning the blessed Polycarp, who, martyred at Smyrna along with twelve others from Philadelphia, is alone remembered so much the more by everyone, that he is even spoken of by the heathen in every place. He was not only a noble teacher, but also a distinguished martyr, whose martyrdom all desire to imitate as one according to the gospel of Christ.  2By his patient endurance he overcame the wicked magistrate and so received the crown of immortality; and he rejoices with the apostles and all the righteous to glorify God the Father Almighty and to bless our Lord Jesus Christ, the Saviour of our souls and Helmsman of our bodies and Shepherd of the Catholic Church throughout the world.

20 You requested, indeed, that these things be related to you more fully, but for the present we have briefly reported them through our brother Marcion. When you have informed yourselves of these things, send this letter to the brethren elsewhere, in order that they too might glorify the Lord, who makes his choices from his own servants.  2To him who is able by his grace and bounty to bring us to his everlasting Kingdom, through his Servant, the only-begotten Jesus Christ, be glory, honor, might, majesty, throughout the ages. Greet all the saints. Those with us greet you and also Evarestus, who wrote this, with his whole household.

21 The blessed Polycarp was martyred on the second day of the first part of the month Xanthicus, the seventh day before the kalends of March, a great Sabbath, at two o’clock In the year 156 (a leap year) the Sabbath of Purim was on February 22. The Syriac Martyrology commemorates Polycarp, however, on February 23. See the Introduction. He was arrested by Herod, when Philip of Tralles was high priest, Gaius Julius Philippus was appointed high priest and Asiarch sometime between 149 and 153. The term of office was four years.   but in the everlasting reign of our Lord Jesus Christ. To him be glory, honor, majesty, and the eternal throne, from generation to generation. Amen.

22 We bid you farewell, brethren, as you live by the word of Jesus Christ according to the gospel, with whom be glory to God the Father and Holy Spirit, unto the salvation of his holy elect; just as the blessed Polycarp suffered martyrdom, in whose footsteps may it be our lot to be found in the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

getting ready

School starts 2 weeks from now.  I feel very sober about the opportunity before me.  I am excited about this opportunity but I am anxious about my abilities.  In making the move out here – which was at great sacrifice for tons of people outside of Rebecca and me – I feel in some ways that I need to prove something.  This pressure is purely internal.  I want folks to know how honored I am to have their support and prove to them that this was the right move for us.  Maybe its my need for approval but I just want to do well here and really soak in all the opportunities that are before me.  This I am finding can be more stressful than beneficial.

I havent read a theological book for about 3 months now, so yesterday I picked up NT Wrights book ‘Simply Christian’ – which I highly recommend, it seems to be a 21st century Mere Christianity.  Wright covers the Christian faith with great thoughtfullness and insight, but is different from CS Lewis more systematic approach.  Where Lewis confinced you through reason and logic, Wright looks at the stirrings that are within our heart for justice, beauty and redemption to point out that there is a very real Jesus.  I find this approach very satisfying to both my heart and mind.  My experience seems to indicate that you can only lead people to truths but it is the intermingling between their heart/mind/experience is what ultimately convinces them to choose Jesus over the things of the world.  So its a great book.

So back to my anxiety, I am reading this book and I am having such a hard time at really focusing on Wrights’ thought progressions and having these truths really absorb in my mind so that i would be equipped to share them with others.  There is a voice in my head that is going wild ‘You need to know this, you arent retaining this though are you? Why arent you retaining this? Cant you retain this, Tom?? Maybe this seminary thing isnt going to work out for you.’ and so on and so on.   I dont have this stress when I read about history, politics, sports – but when it comes to Christianity i go into some wierd mind frenzy.

I think it stems from the fact that I worry if I will have any salt as a preacher.  Will I be able to pull back into a weatlth of knowledge/experience/values and have the right word for the right moment.  I want to be able to paint a picture with words that will show the greatness of God.  i personally have a secret distaste for the ilk that start have their sentences ‘well you know in the orginal greek this means … blah, blah, blah‘ and talk down to people from some perch of knowledge.   So I dont want or expect seminary to fill me with a knowledge that puffs me up but one that gives me confidence to speak truth in a way that is meaningful to those around me.

I want to learn and be taught while I am here, but im trying to force myself to have a high level of engagement with the subjust – so much so that it pushes me away from the very thing that I am trying to do.  So im praying that as i read these books that the voices that are against me would be muted and subside by the greatness and goodness of God.