the details

my wife would be the first one to tell you what a terrible memory i have. I can never seem to recall details the way i think i should. I use to tell myself that I was so committed to the here and now and the future that it didnt seem relevant to look back on the past. this is kinda sad, i think. I wonder if it is due to a suppression of memories that i dont enjoy therefore i shove them some place. I suspect even though i dont remember them, they still are there lurking around. Maybe its bc my folks divorced, so they didnt really look too much at the past, hence it was never a habit i formed. though i have a crappy memory, i still remember some things. from time to time, I suspect the wife trying to pull a fast-one on me concerning important items that she has never told me. she is pretty trustworthy, so i usually give her the benefit of the doubt.

the wife brought details into my life. its unreal the amount of times that her and her mom can rehash the same story and still find great joy. the only way that happens in my family is to make fun of someone else at the dinner table (mom side). usually the same stories get rehashed over and over and over and over … i can confess that i am not innocent in this at all, unfortunately it is the only way we connect. say if my brother and i are home at the same time, he isnt the brilliant father of 2 college professor and im not the brother who is in seminary – spent time traveling the world on various mission trips – he is the punk 17 year old and im the ahole 14  year old. Its such a strange odyssey that takes place as we retake these identities that we have left in the dust so many years ago. its sad really because I suspect that we are crazy a like even though are perspective on our families history is probably varied as he is 4-5 years older than me.

though details fade, scars endure – we may not know where they came from or how they happen but they stay with us. cigarette burns to cracked chins. maybe instead of seeing the scars as negative scenes we can re-frame them. Scars are memories, but scars also speak of endurance – we have come a long way, with a story to tell – regardless if we remember all the details or not. We are shaped and molded – for the good or the bad – but we have endured and hopefully have been strengthen all along the way.

fights are funny

so the wife and i fight from time to time – it can go from small bickering to full blown drag outs. fights are funny because we are too people that for the most part believe the same thing, know each other just about as well as 2 people can know each other, and would do anything, and i mean anything for the other. somewhere we get caught up in the lie that we dont in fact know each other in this matter and believe crazy things about the others intentions – as if we do not have a 7 year history of being completely connected with one another.

the thing thats funny about the wife is that, afterwards she needs assurance – which i gladly give because i need the same thing – but i dont think that there is any line out there which she couldnt cross and not find forgiveness, love and acceptance. but thats the joy about much of life – we believe a whole lot more things about other people than we do ourselves.  its like we are always waiting on being caught, exposed or found out by what a fraud we are. i know i have that fear – it keeps me from being fully who i think i am and shackles me from achieving the things i know to be good and true.

if i could seek one nugget down into our relationship, its that im on her side – there is a great Pete Yorn song that covers this idea – its probably even titled that, but nevertheless – im an on her side, it doesnt matter what comes at her, what she does, or if she is flat out wrong. im on her side – i think thats a better way to describe faithfulness/steadfastness – two terms i love but never seem to touch the earth.

and on my way to work…

So guess what I almost ran into today while driving to work? Another car, dog/cat, trash can? Nope, babies…. 2 of them to be exact, what seem to be a 1 year old and a 2 year old were just hanging out in the middle of the road.  It looks like the older of them got wise to the security features of their front yard fence and busted him and his little sister out. So i stopped the car abruptly and try to hurd them together – i called out to them as to 1) alert them of my presence, and hopefully yield their obedience 2) to alert whoever was around that was suppose to be watching them of the situation at hand 3) to not look like some wierd sex offender to any potential onlookers.

Luckily the person watching them came rushing out of their house making a wierd groan noise that must have consisted of feelings of “WTF was i thinking” and “this could have potentially been the worse day of my life – thank God the worse didn’t happen” – the feelings are more than understandable given the circumstances.  My question is – how do you let this happen? really – how does this happen when 2 babies can get as far as playing in the street? I dunno, I know that new mothers go through a tremendous amount of responsibility and stress – but cant we label this as a foundational responsibility of a mother (or any caretaker). When I have kids do I need to be sure to be clear to the babysitter – “Now, one last thing – can you do your best to not have our kids run in the middle of the road, thanks… that would be great.” So there mother/caretaker grabbed the kids – and didnt really acknowledge me, while dragging them back to their house.  Like any other man, I made some dumbass, obvious statement – that didnt need to be said bc of its obviousness – “Looks like your boy, has figured out how to bust out of the place – you should put a lock on that fence of yours.” She didnt reply but if she would have said “No S&*t” or “Thank you Capt. Obvious” – I would have deserved that sarcastic barb.

always learning

homelessness is rampant here in LA – I heard something on 60 minutes that there more homeless people in LA than houston, chicagp, san francisco, and seattle combined

Mental illness seems to be a primary reason for why homelessness is so rampant, but that makes for simple answers and fails to look at the justice issues that may be driving it as well. I often use this as an excuse to keep a distance from these folks, not having the time or the space to care for them properly i simply give them a couple bucks and check off my Matthew 25 mandate.

A met a homeless man named Albert the other day, he was rocking an Astros hat so I had to befriend him. I am not saying that we have become fast friends, but I see him around the area alot and always take the time to hear a little bit of his story. Albert is an example of how you cant lump a set of people together. From what I have garnered so far, he was a hard working guy – usually working in city jobs in Atlanta – but life turned on him and now he is just getting bye. With a smile and handshake we talk for a while, he teaches me and i easy a bit of his struggle.

its little pictures like this that calls my attention that i need to be more aware. Aware of the world that I am in, the stories that are around me, and the opportunities to be had. albert helps me do this and i am hoping to keep my open more

U2

so i was fortunate enough to get to see U2 at the Rose Bowl last week.  I gotta say it was a blast. Even though I came down with the flu, or some sort of bug, it was still amazing to see one of my favorite bands of all time.  The thing i appreciate about U2 is not only their music – which is pretty amazing considering how long they have been around – but the fact that they enjoy being who they are.  They arent pretentious a-holes like other rock bands, they know their celebrities but you still get a sense that they feel very fortunate for falling into this line of work.  I like Coldplay for the same reason (who I saw earlier this summer).  They enjoy performing and still get awed by their stardom.

Furthermore they have used their celebrity to open doors and create possibilities to help the world.  I think this goes hand in hand with how their music has developed and evolved over their years.  If they were just living hedonistic lives of coke and hookers you would see their music fall apart (ie Rolling Stones, not that their music was ever that great to begin with)  They seemed to have ( in some small way) injected themselves into the struggle of poverty in Africa and other justice issues – this, i believe, has helped push their music into new dimensions and granted them a different perspective to help develop their art.

I digress – the performance was great – filled with songs both old and new.  My personal highlights were ‘Until the End of the World’ and ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’ that came with a shout for peace in Tehran.  I look forward to seeing them again and seeing the ways this band further evolves as the years pass.

things i hate – really

and no its not too strong of a word

I was inspired by Stephen Colberts board of the folks that are on notice – I have been one that has been known to have an opinion in the past – I like to call it discerning tastes – so here is my top ten – im sure it will change bc I am just doing this on the whim.

1. When a customer service agent tells me they can not do something – when in fact they just dont want to

2. People that only talk about themselves incessantly and are also self proclaim experts on most topics – if you find that I avoid you, you may be one of these

3. Seminary douche bags – they are here, and there is an abundance.  Its like a world full of youth ministers

4. Political Conservatives – not so much their views, rather there methods.  Its like the boy who cried wolf, when you say you hate everything I cant hear you when you are making a valid point.  Glen Beck, Limbaugh – Fox News in general – i have had enough

5. Los Angeles – more specifically Pasadena Water & Power

6. Most things on MTV – excluding Rob & Big – Fantasy Factory – Dyderk gets how rediculous this station is

7. Dust around my entertainment center – well dust in general – though i will admit i dont do much about it.  My relationship with dust is one where we just stare at each other mockingly.  I will say when my wife does clean it, it is quite a turn on -  

8. Dumb spirituality.  I know this is america and everyone has a “right” to their opinion.  But we dont listen to our cooky neighbor for medical advice – so why should we listen to some one who is merely only thinking what is on the top of their head and spewing it out as if it is gospel.

9. Ticketmaster – they wont show me what seats are actually available before i purchase and then they bend you over with service charges

10. When i think someone doesnt value my wifes friendship and give to her as much as she gives to them.  My wife is quite possibly the best friend a person could ever have.  Please do not take advantage of that

11. PCs – i made the switch to Mac’s and they really are better – Maybe if you are not some uber-computer engineer – but for 95% of the population its the only way to go.  I almost forgot how much i hated the “blue screen of death” and this almost didnt make the list.

riddle me this

On Friday I went to bed at 9:30pm – which is normal for the wife but absurd for me.  But I was tired after a long week and knew that it would be best if I head to bed  – I get up at 8am jump in the shower so that I can work on a paper.  I spend most of the day reading and planning what I am going to actually argue for in my paper.  So as I begin to write a massive migraine comes out of no where – its like i get nailed in the back of the head with a brick and someone is stabbing me in the eyes.  I tried to obliterate it with medicine – but that doesnt work – i tried to sleep and every slight annoyance shoots through my head and neck.   I dont get it, I thought i did everything right (sleep & wasnt stressed about the paper) and yet got sidelined – I hate headaches, they dont make any sense and there doesnt seem to be a way to combat them.  I ate alot of cheese within this time period, so i googled cheese and migraine headaches and I found some responses for it being the cause.  i dont buy it though, im convinced you can put any 2 or 3 symptoms into google and there is someone who has written about it.

Breakfast of champions

Noted that I am a large individual – but I usually have more caloric intake come in the form of cow than just sugary things.  Everyonce in awhile though, Ill admit i like a donut – or a fancie – as they call them out here.  When we first moved out here i decided to get some for breakfast for Rebecca and I, but after driving around Pasadena they all looked gross.  Maybe I should thank Southern Baptists and the nutrion that they supply to encourage sunday school attendance to the rise of Shipleys and other donut establishments.  I guess this is one tangible expression of liberalism effecting my life?

Anyways I went on a donut reconesence mission to see if there is any local hope (im sure somewhere in LA there are good donuts just not within a couple miles of my house)  so I hit up Winchells and a place called Burger & Donuts – thats right 2 establishments, this was an information gathering event.  Burger Donuts isnt a new concept bc I have seen a FriedChicken donut place out here and a chinese food donut place as well.  Anyways I gotta admit I was disgusted by Winchell’s – you have to be from the midwest to like this place – HiYO!  …but I also admit that Burger/Donut was quite tastey – maybe even rivaling some of the better donuts I have had.  So here is to you Burger Donuts, you who pioneered the ability to serve 2 of my favorite foods under one roof!

brain hurts

so im tired, really tired.  I just got done with a marathon of school work and there doesnt seem to be any letting up.  Lets say im ok with this.  This is what I signed up for and im committed to doing the best work i can – in many ways this is how i thank rebecca for packing up and heading out here with me.  She has given up and continues to give alot to me so this is one way i can give back to her – by not loafing through this like i did at other points of my school career.  I think im doing pretty good, all things considered…

I also need to sit down and write about our trip to DC for the inauguration – it was such a special time that I want to have a post about it for memories sake down the road.  ill try to get that done during my spring break in a couple weeks.

We are heading to San Diego this weekend to see my Mom and Curtis – it should be fun.  We dont do very many california type things, so im always up for some sort of adventure where we can see more of California.

back to my hole at the library…

haircut

You know what gets up my crawl?  A Bad Haircut. Not many things in this world do i find as annoying as getting a hack job for a haircut.

Its been about a month and it was time to get trimmed up – im doing the whole job hunt and all so I want to look my best.  So i consult with the google and find a Supercuts that was near by.  I have no feelings towards Supercuts before today – ive never been there, but trusting your head into another persons hands is a big deal.  There are alot of places that i could have gone to, but it would have been more expensive -remember im in california.  So I went the middle of the road – not a corner barber but a franchise that i thought i could trust.

Anyways I got a hack job done to my head – i dont have a lot of hair so I am of the opinion that it should be done right – well this lady made it crazy uneven and to cut the front part of my hair she used the neck trimmer-  not scissors – the neck trimmer.  Honestly i could have done a better job by myself being momentarily blinded & half-drunk.

So now im besides myself, stewing in anger.  i dont have alot going for me in the area of good looks – so the things that i feel can be controlled (general hygene, clean clothes – moderartely stylish and a decent HAIRCUT) should be taken care of.  When it is not, ask my wife, I stew and make remarks all day long – like i am today.  I am besides myself with disgust – and she can do nothing to change my mind -bless her heart

So here is to meeting new people and making a good first impression.  Grr – to them ill be known as the guy with the crappy haircut.  im getting it fixed tomorrow at another place so i should be better than.